I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
don't judge my taste in strippers
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize