Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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