Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
