I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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