Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
