I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
