i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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