Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
