I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize