you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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