Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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