I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
