Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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