i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
