I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
