Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
