Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
