i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you inspire me to be a worse person
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
