I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
