When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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