Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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