Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
