I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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