The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Found the puke drawer
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
