I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
