Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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