I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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