He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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