how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
