Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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