I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
