Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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