do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
