It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
