I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
