there's paper in my vomit.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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