i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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