my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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