i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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