Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hippo gnu deer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
