the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
