An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize