$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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