if i died would you start the facebook group?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
