I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
