I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
