I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
