piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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