wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You are the jesus of drinking
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
