I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
