I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
