Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
