i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
