I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
