Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
