our cab driver is having phone sex.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
