summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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