I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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