Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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