Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
