meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
