I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
