Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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