She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
