please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
