I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
