you guys were way drunker than both of me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize