I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
