i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
