remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
