I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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