I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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