my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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