This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
