Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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