you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize