Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
