I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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