if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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