this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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