I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
