You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
