i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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