drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize