I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
