She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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