You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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