Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
