this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
