if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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