I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
