needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
