she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
