Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
