I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
