i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
