well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
