I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
