please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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