A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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