Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
