i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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