Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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