I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize