just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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