ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize